Living Single, Dream or Nightmare?

After ABC’s show The Bachelor launched its finale last night, of course they are already planning the equally loved Bachelorette. I no longer watch any of these shows, as I work on Mondays and don’t have DVR. Shocking on the last part I know, seems everyone has DVR these days!

So if I didn’t watch it, why am I writing about the Bachelorette? There is a point I promise. I found out I have a roommate moving in next month, so I am nostalgically laying to rest the year and some change that came before , a time I am hoping to define  as my “bachelorettehood.”  So, fingers crossed, I Google the technical definition of a bachelorette.  Can’t say it was the 1st definition, but an intriguing one I found was – bachelorette: an adult female person (as opposed to a man)-  then followed by a quote from what I assume to be from The Golden Days (which of course is an actual precise time period) – “the woman kept house while the man hunted.”

The man hunted? This may have worked one day in time, but these days if you live alone as a woman you hunt and keep the house. Plus from what I can tell, when you  live with a man you will still do some portion of the hunting – hello there is a reason why the common grocery items have commercials targeted towards women more than men.

The Definition of High-Quality Living Single Bachelorette (in my opinion)

So I guess per the above you can say I’ve spend the last year hunting and gathering for myself. Worked hard at it too, working two jobs, nurturing a great romance and relationship with my boyfriend, finding ways for girl time to pop in to keep a social life, stay in touch with family, and in touch with myself all at the same time. When I look back on it, has the life of a bachelorette been oh so good? I watch lot of Sex and the City (which I think all 20 something unmarried women should do) and I believe Carrie Bradshaw to be the ultimate bachelorette. She soul searches, she does amazing things and more importnatly she makes mistakes. She is with her friends nearly every day – which I envy, it’s so hard to get friends together it’s ridiculous! She spends money left and right at bars. Can’t say that my experience as a living single/bachelorette has been as glamorous as this fictional character but I think I’ve done pretty good. I have had gal pal sleepovers, break danced solo w/ my iPod (confessed here for the 1st time), volunteered for a few good causes, ran 100 miles trying to get in my skinny dress (thought it is still on the punch list), cooked myself a meal or two (for better or for worse to the previous item) and somewhat mastered how to kiss my own boo-boo’s when no one else is around. I think this last one is key. Oh I’ve got stories.

Promising Pals Breakfast

Anyone that has had a roommate or lived with a partner probably thinks its a big fantasy to live by yourself. Although I have roommates upstairs I see when I get my mail, get in the driveway etc, I have basically been by myself for about 14 months give or take. I am sure the experience is very different for different people, some people may be able to focus better on themselves when left all alone, whereas others get lonely and eat crappy food more often than not. I think I somewhat in between these two categories, but I tilt towards the more destructive one, yet always bounce back to redeem myself. Google Maggie Lapan and look up running results, can be found at the bottom always coming in last. But you can’t Google Maggie Lapan and find her finish time on the couch now can you?

In the year I’ve lived by myself, there have been times I have liked it, and times I don’t like it at all, and right now I can’t wait for it to come to an end. Most of my friends know by now that I’m moving in with my boyfriend this summer. Very excited about this! We are in the very beginnings stages of planning, but off we go! It is time for the 1.5 yearish run of Mags as the Bachelorette to come to an end! Although I am counting the days to new beginnings, the last date of this here present which was once a beginning – November 22nd 2009 will always hold a place in my heart. I felt like that day I took off the training wheels and took the bike out for a spin. Not sure if I made it around the block or not, or just down the street and back. Metaphorically of course we know this is a big difference.

After my 1st Half Marathon

After my 1st Half Marathon

Well that is all for now,

xo

Mags

Chocolate, Beer, Cheese & Ms. Pac-man

This is me 7 years ago…. 70 lbs lighter. I look at this and I feel like Kirstie Alley I swear. I don’t really remember the exact steps I took to get into that body I had in the photo. The one thing I can recall is that it all started with the photos I took at the Junior prom.

So, I get my photos developed, but before I hit the juicy party photos with me in my dress, the up-do, the limo, I stumble upon one that was taken the night before. I’m sitting on a table in jean skirt, tan from the traditional pre-prom tanning sessions, I can tell from the expression on my face I look confident- I thought I was the bomb-diggity. Yep I said it. Bomb-diggity. I look like I’m busting at the seams, and I know the camera adds town lbs, but like- c’mon Mags. That is not a good look.I ripped up this photo into tiny tiny pieces.

Growing up it was never practice to weight myself. But be sure as Satan has sunscreen I hit the scale right after I saw this photo. Scales reads: 210 and so my scary weight was born circa June 2003. That summer before my senior year of high school, I stopped eating meat (because hello a friend did it– like any mother would say- if your friend jumped off a bridge- duh yes I would too, proof is in the pudding I was 17!),  I also monitored the cheese, carbs and sodium in my diet, not really sure how though—I had no system? Just sort of said goodbye to indulgence I guess.

I lost 60 lbs that summer. The lbs came out of my non-existent butt, eventually my tummy, and my boobs. Went down to like a C cup. I didn’t have much cash to buy skinny clothes so I bought 2 belts and wore baggy jeans most of my senior year. The loose clothes were a confidence booster in itself so in the winter months I continued to lose, lets say 10 more lbs. I vaguely remember getting to 145, but don’t really remember much between 210 and 145?

Today I am at 212 lbs, and remember my scary weight is supposedly 210. Anytime I have creeped up to 210, I instantly drop to 200 out of pure fear and then I usually have to work pretty hard at getting to the early 190s, and then somehow 185 just comes- as there is momentum. I haven’t been under 200 lbs in probably a year. So it is time.

I need the fear! I do not have the fear as of right now. Nothing is making me want to stop shoveling chocolate, beer and cheese through my chompers. Chomp chomp chomp. Like Ms. Pacman. Ms. LA-PAN rather.

Goodbye inner-Ms-Pacman-Beer-Cheese-&-Chocolate. We can’t be together anymore.

xoxo

Mags